The beauty of her face was definitely imprinted in my mind.
Her hair was golden brown with red highlights, and soft curls at the end of the strand.
Her eyes, how can I describe her eyes?
Diamonds, pearls or may be musk. I fell in love with her external beauty, that was different from the beauty of her soul.
Her soul was dark, living just a glimpse to the external beauty that was the truth to her internal soul. I wanted to help her reach that beauty. We made love, passionate love. That was insufficient. No angel like me had a chance to open the door to her soul. I was stunned by the rejection. She opened the window to her soul just a little, now and then. She was so afraid.
“That is not good enough” I thought to myself. I better marry her.
Obviously she wants more from me in order to become susceptible to my pure love and appreciation to her external beauty.
We courted for a while as we started planning for the wedding and ceremony procedures. In such occasions we were happy, but there was something missing. The energies created rejection.
What is it?
I look into her eyes that reflect the love in my heart.
Their splendor and clearness make me desire to become part of her mystery.
She looks at me in such a dreamy state, absent from my touch.
She dreams of that life that is part of her intimate self.
Her secret self and I see that she wants to manifest those dreams externally.
She has no idea how. “I am here my love for you, together we will live life.”
No contribution from her part come, to her lips. Silence is present.
I understand the “I am” and what spirit means by “I will”. It is when I can hold my intention long enough for it to happen, without letting my mind wonder off.
Holding my mind still and focused, while experiencing that stillness of the soul. I want to do this since energy is an amazing phenomenon. I can experience power of energy each moment I live. “Why is she not responding.”
Now I am thinking of her and the wedding dress. The energy is of sadness, there is something that does not come natural. “The love for me.” Deep down I know she is indifferent. The sparkle of her soul is missing.
What can I do? I am madly in love with her external beauty. I know she has potential, to become that beauty also from within. Each one of us has that potential. If only she would say “Let your love (Jim Miller fiction name) transform my soul into a higher vibration.” Instead she is so closed, rigid and composed. I know that; with my energy she would start opening up and blossoming, to her fullest potential. I wrote this poem for her just after the engagement.
When you my darling live for something or someone then you create a division.
As you live like a flower, releasing your fragrance, your essence, then you will be living
according to your inner purpose.Then you will be at your center.
I feel my love is so humongous and I have so much to offer her. The wedding is just one of the many beautiful gifts I am able to give her. I need to find out what it is that is not matching. There is something I am not understanding!!!
Three days have gone by and finally I am able to get a glimpse into the metaphor. A small insight this morning arrived into my mind, as I was driving back to the shop with the daily newspapers I had picked up from the major town three kilometers away. Us shop keepers are treated fairly badly by the bigger store holders. They give very little service to us. I enjoy being of service to the people with my small shop that will eventually be our shop. Oh, yes, about the insight!!! I am rather alarmed, by the revelation. How can I express it in words? I will try.
There is a part of me inside myself which is very dominant; it wants to tell everyone what to do. Apparently according to the insight she does not like this part of mine. Now on the other hand my inner self is aware of her negative streak, of being reserved in expressing her feelings.
“What are we going to do?” I say to the voice that was giving me the insight.
“I feel it is time you two confronted your problem” the voice answered.
“Very funny, how?” I said.
“Well it is up to you two” it replied and then went away.
I was left all alone to work out our differences. She appears on the doorstep of the shop just as I was about to ring her.
“Hi my darling did you come to give me a big kiss.”
“No I just wanted to know how the wedding preparations were proceeding.”
We hug and embrace there is no emotions. I let that energy of intolerance flow through us. She is responding a little, something must have moved between us. Maybe it is called awareness of each others state of mind. She has picked up intuitively the change, for I have kept the revelation of this mornings insight a secret from her. Eventually I will reveal this to her, but much later. We kiss once more. As we kissed I saw the full understanding to the meaning of the insight.
This time she was accepting my energy and the portal to her soul was opening slowly. She was no longer afraid to look at the reflection of her own beauty through the beauty of my SOUL.
Previously she had been afraid to look at my consciousness. She was focusing on her external beauty as a reality, of who she was.
By marrying me? Would not have changed her rejection.
By making love? That was a form of insecure reality.
How then was I to help her reach her own beauty? I needed to open my own eyes to the truth of the matter, by giving her space to grow and change. I needed to stop being so dominant. My intentions were pure. I could see her potential; only concentrating on my development and loving myself first was going to achieve more then the actual demanding of her to give more.
We kissed again and I actually saw her eyes reflecting her soul a little.
The pain inside her heart area was atrocious. Something very significant must have happened when she was little, that made her go externally for her own beauty. This probably was the secret she was withholding from me.
“Let me take her on a great holiday before the final plans.” I thought to myself.
I feel so much for her. The desire to make love to her was overbearingly beautiful. Why do I feel so much? The energy inside myself is electrifying.
“I must wake up from this dream.” I said to myself.
It was not a dream; she was standing right next to me. My mind was a total blank, only my body and soul were going at 100 miles per hr. I just wanted to be near her, feel her aura, feel her face next to mine. Forget the world existed, forget the shop, and remain in this state of ecstasy for ever. What beauty, what enchantment; now, how to transmit the same vibration to her body and soul? That way the feeling of oneness plus unity of the female and male bodies would incorporate themselves into one energy of Divine love for each other.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.